Seriously though, I discovered a truth this past week - a life changing truth, that I had never noticed or given much thought to in the previous 29 years of my life. Let me share.
I learned the difference between guilt and shame.
You see, on quite a personal note, I have done some things in my life (even recently), that have caused some pain to the people that I love the most. I have acted selfishly, independently, arrogantly and without any regard to future consequences, which lets face it, I just described us all at some point in our lives. We do things that we aren't proud of. We do things that bring tears - to our eyes and the eyes of others. We do things that make the "r" word personal (regret). And as followers of Jesus, the greatest pain from our failures comes from defaming the name of the One we love the most.
So what do we do? We beat ourselves up. We truly feel remorse for what we've done, but we channel all of our energy into making sure that we don't see the light of day because we think that "we don't deserve to". We punish ourselves. We abuse ourselves. We hurt...ourselves. But as I have been doing these very things to myself recently, I have learned a liberating piece of wisdom that has fundamentally changed my life forever:
Guilt is a reflection of something that I did. Shame is a reflection of something that I believe I am. Shame tries to take what I did and it tries to tell me that's who I am. Shame is personal (What's wrong with me?). Shame is permanent (I always mess up like this). Shame is pervasive (I always mess up everything!)
The enemy (that's a very Christian term for Satan or "the devil") will take something that I've done and convince me that it is exactly who I am. He knows how to beat me down, and he does it time and time and time again. He's relentless. You know why? Because he knows that the longer he keeps me down, the less effective I can be for the cause of Good in this world. These thoughts abound:
You're a terrible father.
You're a ridiculous friend.
You are a failure at love and relationships.
You can't do anything right.
Your purity - what's that? You tossed that out the window ages ago.
What morals? Are you kidding?
Its that voice of accusation, telling me that I won't ever amount to who God says I can become.
Ask Peter. You know, that guy - the one who followed Jesus as His "right hand man" in many ways for 3 years. He was brash and the first to speak, bold and filled with courage. After he denied his loving Savior and that rooster crowed like Jesus said it would, Peter's heart sank. It fell out of his chest. It hit him like a ton of bricks. He collapsed under the weight of his inability to be loyal when his best Friend needed him most.
Now, see what I believe to be one of the most powerful verses in the Bible:
Luke 22:61 "Then the Lord turned and looked at Peter."
Let me tell you something - do any of us think that Christ was just a tad busy with the sins of the whole world at the moment? Do any of us think that maybe He was a little preoccupied with the false accusations coming His way? Do any of us think that just maybe He was in a little bit of pain from the physical beating that He has begun to take? Do any of us think that He had any time to TURN and look at the man who denied His friendship?
Point is - He didn't turn away from Peter in shame, He turned to Peter in love. Even when His world was falling apart. Even when his destiny was now certain - to be slaughtered for the very "friend" who had just denied Him 3 times, He turned TO him.
That's grace. That's forgiveness. That, my friends, is our Advocate.
So can I encourage you - lift up your head. Lift up your eyes and look Grace in the face. Listen to His conviction - that's what brings you to Him. Own your sin and mistakes, while making no excuse for them, but get up! You aren't loved because you deserve it, you're loved because He made you worthy. The accuser will remind you of your shame and Jesus will remind you of your righteousness in Him.
Cling to it. Love it. Embrace it. Look at your failures, shortcomings and imperfections and proclaim with enthusiasm: You. Can't. Make. Me. Ashamed.
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